For years we have been told that the great majority of Canadians live in a thin line along the U.S. border! (Within about a hundred miles – one hundred and sixty kilometers!)
Now take a look at where 54% of the U.S. population lives!
————————————————————
Folks, I don’t know what the hell is going on but they had a hot air balloon crash in Virginia yesterday and, ………. and,…………and …..!
Well, they can only find one of the three bodies of the people that were in the balloon! (Common kids, this isn’t a jet, or a space shuttle that had shit thrown over miles of ground.)
This thing caught fire and dropped straight down, which makes me believe that the bodies should all be within 10 feet of each other. (Maybe 20 feet if it was windy!)
——————————————–
OK boys and girls, I don’t think I believe this one………., but it’s a hell of a story none the less!
A guy goes out for the night and meets another woman, so he slips his wedding ring off and puts it in his pocket!
The poor schlub forgets to put it back on, and the next morning his wife finds it in his pocket and guesses what happened!
She puts some Vaseline on it and slips it over his s;shrunken, flaccid dick! (?)Which is worse?
1) Having your wife find out you were unfaithful. (And commit revenge in this way.)
2) Explaining to the ER doctor how your wedding ring got on your penis.
3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/love/revenge/ring.asp#sjC5X790gEGSZ125.99
———————————————-
Got a pair of smelly sneakers and some cheap vodka? Spray some into your shoes to kill that nasty odor!
Cheap
vodka has a number of uses besides getting college kids drunk, and
killing foot odor is an effective option. It was even “myth confirmed”
on an episode of the all-knowing Mythbusters. If you have some lying
around, pour it into a cheap spray bottle, or even attach a spray head
to the top of the vodka bottle itself, and get misting. Some recommend
mixing the vodka with water, but it’s up to you and how much odor there
is to clear out. The alcohol content of the vodka kills odor-causing
bacteria and it’s scentless when it dries. This leaves your shoes
smelling a lot more like a new pair and a lot less like a locker room.—————————————————–
We have repeatedly stated on this blog that animals have the same
emotions that people do, and are a lot like us in many ways, except they
are not quite as smart, sophisticated, aware, or cognizant as we humans
are!
They are more like distant, retarded relatives!
(We all have them!)
Now if you ever wondered just what animals are the smartest ………….., here is a list for ya!
First of all, even though they weren’t included in this list, DOGS ARE SMARTER THAN CATS…………………, MUCH SMARTER!Apes and monkeys are most similar to humans …….., naturally! (They even have the same types of personality traits. The dominant ape, the one most like your boss, is usually an asshole too!)
1. Then come elephants.
2. Next are dolphins.
3. Crows are not bird brains by a long shot!
4. Octopuses
5. Pigs
6. Your uncle George! (Every family has one!)
———————————————————
After years of being quietly subjected to insults here on these pages, the North Korean leadership has finally retaliated by calling U.S. President a “monkey!”
Look folks, sure I made fum of all three generations of the “ill-too-long’s” but there are certain lines ya just don’t cross………………, and that was one of them!
It does, however, remind me of a joke I heard some time ago!
A woman gets on a plane with her ugly little kid and sits down next to a drunk!
The guy looks over and says: “Jesus Christ lady, that’s the ugliest kid I ever saw!”
The poor woman is terribly insulted, and starts yelling and screaming at the drunk, until finally a stewardess comes over!
After explaining that she no longer wanted to sit next to this obnoxious person the stew says:
RELAX LADY, WE’LL GET YOU A DIFFERENT SEAT!
IN THE MEANTIME I’LL BRING YOU A NICE CUP OF TEA ……….., AND A BANANA FOR YOUR MONKEY!
No comments:
Post a Comment