Our teacher asked me what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”
She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”
Guess where the hell I am now!
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden
feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, “What’s wrong with you?”
Nothing like a good Bible story to make your day.
Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a
companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, “This pretty lady will gather food for you,
she will cook for you, and when you discover
clothing, she will wash it for you.
“She will always agree with every decision
you make and she will not nag you,
and will always be the first to admit she was
wrong when you’ve had a disagreement.
“She will praise you!
“She will bear your children,
and never ask you to get up in the middle
of the night to take care of them.
“She will NEVER have a headache
and will freely give you love and
passion whenever you need it.”
Adam asked God,
“What will a woman like this cost?”
God replied, “An arm and a leg.”
Then Adam asked,
“What can I get for a rib?”
Of course the rest is history!
Here’s a little fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max Goldberg invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, ‘The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,’ on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Jewish, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg’s name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show –
Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max — on the controls.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
Diplomacy is saying “Nice doggy” until you find a rock.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Back up my hardrive? How do I put it in reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all. Done it all. Can’t remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He’s not dead. He’s electroencephalographically challenged.
She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love Peace and Quiet.
Pardon my driving, I’m reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficienty talented fool.
Athiesm is a non-prophet organization.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Leave a Reply